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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Cancer Scares Me

There.

I said it.

It's the truth.  I mean, I got the beast out of my breast, but it can be lurking anywhere.  Do I live in fear of the lurker?  No.  However, I do live with an eye open at all times and if I become aware of something, I take note and react.

Due to my last PAP showing crap in my cervix, I'm going to have to have a procedure done next month.  These pre-cancerous cells showed up, most likely (according to my doctor), due to having the chemo.  Isn't that shitty?  I had chemo to kill the beast in the breast and ended up getting a parting gift in my whoo-haa.  My first question was, "Wouldn't the chemo kill all the bad cells?"  Um, the answer would be "no".  The chemo that I received was breast cancer specific.  How does it know where to go?  It makes my head hurt trying to think about it.

So what is a girl to do?  Well, THIS girl takes action.

Here's the story.  Of a lovely lady...that was living with two dogs and a man... (any other Brady Bunch fans?)

My hair stylist extraordinaire (we'll give her the fictional name of KettleOneBeauty) had recommended a book to me when I first presented my cancer diagnosis to her.  "Crazy Sexy Cancer", by Kris Carr.  I bought it, took it home and after flipping through it, thought, "eh...not my thing".  Her story was about having a cancer that couldn't be cured or treated...no chemo...no radiation.  Well I was getting treatment.  No connection.  The book was tossed into "the cancer drawer" and I went on with my chemo.  And radiation.  And now, Tamoxifen.

Fast forward to June.  I take a trip to NY to visit my Cool Aunt and am treated to a Goddess! Girl Event.  The lovely women of G!GE comped me my session since I just beat the beast.  They made me feel like a Goddess and the pictures that I've seen so far are stunning.  Stunning?  Yep.  I think that would be the right word.  The photographer, Tamme Stitt Photography, did an awesome job at making me feel super comfortable.

Photo by Tamme Stitt Photography

Okay, so I did the event and then had the rest of my vacation hanging out with my CoolAuntJo.  While there, I received a call from my doctor...which went to voicemail since she came up as a "restricted" number.  She needed me to call her back the next day because I had an abnormal lab result.

Shit.

Double shit.

Emotional breakdown.

You see, the last time I got a call from this doctor, it was to tell me that I had breast cancer.  A flood of fear, angst and panic hit me as the memory came back.  The words.  The tone.

I call her the next day and find out that I've got issues with my PAP and that I need to see the specialist.  She says, "the worst case would be that you have to have a hysterectomy".

Shit.

Double shit.

Emotional breakdown.

There wasn't anything that I could do while I was there, other than panic and worry and fret and get more grey hair...so I put it out of my mind.  I'd deal with it when I got home.  CoolAuntJo took me to Woodstock, the Hudson River and to many cute little shops where she lives.  It was a wonderful vacation, even though the crappy news was in the back of my brain.

After booking my appointment with the specialist to deal with this new issue, I had a flashback to KettleOneBeauty's recommendation of "Crazy Sexy Cancer".  I pulled it out of the drawer and started flipping through the book.  Wait a second...Kris Carr, the author, lives in Woodstock.  What a coincidence that I was just there.  Coincidence?  I don't think so.  I think that the Universe was slapping me in the head.  I went out and bought another book of hers, "Crazy Sexy Diet" and learned about her way of living and most of all, how she took back her power.  Diet is the way that I can ease some of the fear.  Her change in diet after getting her cancer diagnosis was all about organic and vegan.  She has successfully stopped her cancer from growing.

I am going to be okay and this whoo-haa issue is going to be fine after I get a procedure done next month.  It's a pain in the ass (don't laugh), but it's fixable.  The realization that cancer can be anywhere laying dormant in my body (or yours) is a very crappy reality.  I don't want to live in fear.  I want to take my power back.  So I'm going to apply all of my will to following the vegan diet, along with juicing and taking a variety of supplements.

One of the challenges that I face is my gastric bypass.  It's been years since I had it done, yet I still have the malabsorption issues.  Do I still need to consume mega amounts of protein?  Is the juicing going to even be effective?  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop???  So many questions.  No answers.  I'm just going to have to experiment with it all and see how I feel.  There isn't a prescription for this and I'm on my own.

For now, I thank my KettleOneBeauty for putting Kris Carr into my life.  I thank MyMan for putting up with my emotional breakdowns and loving me no matter how many supplements end up in the pantry.  I thank the Universe for slapping me.  And I thank my body for trying really hard to do it's best with what I've done with it.

I love my life.

8 comments:

Unknown said...

You are STUNNING.. your pictures are amazing! Your story is amazing, I have a friend dying as I type this from that horrid disease. Get better, fight hard and stay STUNNING. God Bless. Karen

bethany parks said...

No. No. No. We are connected through Tammie Stitt... We are connected through breast cancer. I too looked at Kris Carr and thought "SHIT - I love my twizzlers just a little too much to do this." I too just went to the gynecologist and am waiting to schedule my endometrial biopsy - TODAY...

I have emotional breakdowns.

I love my life.

I blog. I write.

I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE TODAY.

So glad to stumble on your post. So grateful for your honesty, strength and determination. Let's be friends....

Peace out sista.

Kim said...

Yep, we're now friends.

Peace.

Kim said...

Thank you Karen. I'm sorry about your friend...frickin' cancer. It doesn't care who you are or what kind of person you are. It just attacks. Not fair.

Tamme said...

Just so you know this is overwhelming for me to see all my peeps coming together. xooxoxx

Lisa said...

I have been avoiding that book because I hate the association between "sexy" and "cancer", but I've heard good reviews. Sigh. I might have to pick up the diet one. Your pictures look great, by the way. I'll have to catch up on your whole story...

Catherine said...

I’ve heard women can have bizzaro results in PAPs after chemotherapy treatments, which is exactly why I haven’t bothered getting one as of yet. Your blog post is making me think differently. . .

Anonymous said...

Kim, keep the faith and keep up the good fight! Cancer sucks! I will share your blog with my sister who has incurable cancer and is a recent stem-cell transplant recipient. No doubt she will also be cheering for you. Good luck and stay positive!