Fat and the Big C

I checked in for my appointment this morning and the receptionist at Club Cancer says, “I really like your hair!”
  
Thoughts that run through my head:

• You really like that I have hair?  
• You really like the style of my hair?
• Is she implying that the dye job that I did all by myself isn't as bad as she’d have expected from a recovering cancer patient?
• Does she say this to every woman that walks into the Club that has hair?  If so, how would she tell the difference between those with wigs and those that are natural?  

I decided that I was over thinking the comment and forced out a simple, “thank you”.  I was going to toss in that I also had a nicely shaped head, but figured that there was no reason to rehash the past.

My appointment today was just the regular 3 month check-in.  Weight, blood pressure, blood work and then coffee talk with the Oncologist.  I mentioned that I'm still having the hot flashes and he gave me that sympathetic look that he's so good at.  Basically, this is just something that I have to live with while I'm on the medication.  If I want the best odds of keeping the cancer at bay, then I need to live with the hot flashes.  

Bite the bullet and sweat it out Sister.

Speaking of keeping the big C away, I read about a study this past week that was done on 7,000 breast cancer patients.  Get this...carrying extra fat increases your risk of getting the blasted disease back.  You get it cut out of you, you take the chemo treatment, you get fat from the chemo treatment, you fry your boob, you gain more weight from the awfulness of it all...and then this horrid fat turns around and stings you where it hurts most.  

From the study:
This study found that despite optimal treatment, including chemotherapy and hormonal therapy, the increased body mass index -- which usually corresponds to the body's fat content -- significantly increased women's risk of cancer recurrence and death. Additionally, the more obese the patient is, the more likely they are to have breast recurrence and death from this cancer.

Whoa Nelly.

After reading the full article, I am highly motivated to drop the fat.  I can't get this disease back.  My mother would kill me.

To all the members of Club Chemo!  If you have extra pounds, please join me in this effort to lose the fat and increase your life span.  

xoxo

Better, better and BETTER

It was a monumental week for me.

I used shampoo for the first time since losing my hair to chemo back in December.  You see, it made simple sense to me to just use my body wash on my head since it was more skin than hair.  I was clean, so don't snark at me!  I pulled out the bottle of shampoo that I got in my stocking at Christmas (oh how I had been waiting for this very moment) and smelled it.  Blackberry/Vanilla.  Nice!  I then proceeded to over estimate the amount of shampoo that I needed and found myself wearing a hat of suds.  Note to self:  pea sized drop will be sufficient.

Okay, so it gets better.  I THEN went and got my hair colored by my most awesome hair stylist.  I was sick of the grey.  Some people said that they loved it.  Me?  I looked old.  ShannonTheStylist used a "green/organic" sort of product on my virgin locks.  Paraben free.  Ammonia free.  Whosiwhatsit free.  She said that I had more than my share of chemicals this year and she didn't want to add more to my recovering body.  I love her.  She declared me officially 50% grey.  Ack!  When did THAT happen???  No clue since I've been coloring my hair since I was a teenager.  Black Cherry.  That was the color that I used in high school, just in case you were wondering.  I know you were.

EVEN BETTER!!!  I signed up to do a walk for Making Strides.  It's part of the American Cancer Society and when I was waiting to be seen by my Oncologist for a follow up appointment, I saw the flyer in the lobby.  I sat there and watched patients coming and going, all in various stages of treatment, and it just made me feel so ridiculously blessed to be through all of that.  To be sitting on the "other" side.  Club Chemo was no longer my resort.  It was theirs.  I pledged to do the walk and also made the goal of raising $2,000.  Not only did I exceed my goal in ONE week, but I'm now sitting in the number one spot for raising the most money at this local walk.  How freaking awesome is that?  I'll post my fundraising page at the bottom of this so that you can donate if you'd like to help a great organization.

Even MORE better!!!  When I saw my Oncologist, I asked him about some Chinese herbs that my acupuncture guy was giving me.  The hot flashes and lack of sleep is just killing me (thanks Tamoxifen).  I'm getting acupuncture to help with it all, but Acupuncture Guy insisted that the herbs were the best solution.  I was so worried that it would be something that my Oncologist wouldn't approve.  Well, said it was OKAY!  He said that there weren't any findings that contradicted the use of herbs, so I could go for it.  I love it when East meets West.

So it's been mostly awesome, but there has been one slight issue (other than the hot flashes), that I'm trying to deal with.  I've developed Elvis sideburns.  Yep.  The doc says that this is just the initial rebound growth after my Alopecia.  Um, I dunno about that.  I've got the initial reaction to rush my ass to the waxing chair, but he is insisting that it will cycle through and I won't be feeling the need to start singing "All Shook Up".  He said that in another two months, all things would be back to normal.  My hot flashes will be gone, my beard will disappear and all the world will smile with joy.  Yeah.  We shall see.

Hey, I've got a question, is there a difference between a hot flash, a flush and the night sweats?

Thanks in advance for donating to this cause!

Cupcake Kicks Cancer's Ass Walk

Grumble, grumble, sniff

I had a tear filled moment this morning at my desk. 



I knew it was coming. I could feel it.

Build up…build up…pressure…ready, set, explode!


Ugly cry.  Sad, ain't it?

I passed off my red nose and puffy eyes as allergies to those that asked and the person that set me off is without a clue that anything happened. I’d like to keep it that way.

I’ve been a cronky wretch of a woman lately and have not been able to pinpoint what exactly was causing the cronkiness. I’d think that I had it figured out and then *boom* my feelings would change.

What is it??? Sigh.

Big sigh.

Get it all out sigh.

I just don’t know for sure, but I’m thinking that this damn Tamoxifen has something to do with it. Or maybe it’s the acupuncture treatment? Or the change in diet? Or the Chinese herbs? Or side effects of radiation. Or my frustration that the Brazil nut is trying to make its way to the mainstream nut mix.

I don’t know. I hate not knowing.

Hey, don’t think that I’m going to jump off into the deep end. No need to talk me off the ledge. I will be fine and in comparison, it’s no where near as bad as chemo. For those that are new to the class, it was awful and so far, nothing in my life has come close to being as bad.


Another sigh.

I heard something on the radio this morning that was pretty cool. When we walk into a room, we bring energy to that room. We get to choose what kind of energy we bring in to share with the others in that room. That’s powerful, don’t you think? I have the power to change another person’s moment in time. Oh but yikes, they have the same power over me. Positive and negative.


So today, I came in with negative energy. Did I choose negative energy?  Nope.  It was just there. I think that if I had taken a moment, I could have made a shift, but I didn’t. Then I was greeted with negative energy (though the greeting was meant to be kind). Those around me had negative energy and, as a result, all of that power just knocked me down.

I just want to let go and be. Honest and true, I don’t know what I mean by that. It’s just what keeps coming into my head when I ask for the answer.

Let go and be...

Anybody know what that might mean?

**********************************
Updated two hours later...
Putting my words down has helped immensely.  Writing is a great form of therapy for me!

I thought I'd also clarify this whole Brazil nut thing since it's showed up in my last two posts.  It's a nasty nut that nobody seems to like, however it keeps on showing up in the assorted mixes that I buy.  You know...and I know, that the Nut People are just using this nut as a filler.  To add weight to the jar of mixed nuts.  You can never find Brazil nuts in a bag or jar by themselves, right?  You know why?  Because nobody would buy them and they'd go rancid.  Or they'd get shipped to starving third world countries.  If you see a "Help the Children" commercial any time in the near future, make a mental note to see if the little girl is holding a thumb shaped nut in her fist. 

Nut People, please quit toying with us.  We're on to you.